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Title: Catwoman
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/ | CONSUMER ADVICE |
Parents would do well to keep away from children. The sheer stupidity of the script will damage them for life. If you need a technical reason though then I guess the violence and sexual situations should do it. Recommended for ages 15 and up. |
June 20, 1997, a day that will live in infamy. That was the day when movie goers were deliberately attacked by a film maker who hated movies. On June 20, 1997 people across the entire country was waking up, doing their normal routine, and for many people they were getting ready to enjoy a three day weekend that they had so rightfully deserved. That weekend, many people decided to go see a movie, and what better movie to go see then “Batman & Robin,” the new summer blockbuster that offered big stars, big special effects, and lots of action. People lined up in front of the theaters, ready to spend their hard-earned cash to see this movie that had promised to be a great summer blockbuster, however when the people had finished seeing the movie they were appalled at how terrible it was, and as a thank you to the suits that ruined a great franchise, they struck back at Warner Bros. and director Joel Schumacher by telling all their friends to not see the movie, and thus the Batman franchise was killed, and it made Warner Bros. and other studios think twice about releasing any more expensive superhero movies for a long time.
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Then finally on May 3, 2002 “Spider-Man” opened across the country and broke box office records, and put superhero movies back on the map. “Batman & Robin” was a serious blow to superhero movies, but “Spider-Man” saved us, and now the superhero movies are more popular then they ever were before. However I am here today to tell you that the threat we thought was gone is back, in a new more sexier form then we’ve ever seen before. The new threat is a movie called “Catwoman,” starring Academy Award winner Halle Berry, and released by the same studio that gave us “Batman & Robin.” Apparently Warner Bros. has not learned their lesson yet, and they have released “Catwoman” to the (almost) helpless public, in hopes of killing off the superhero genre once again (and making a few bucks while doing so). For those of you who were planning to see this because you are a big fan of the Batman comics that Catwoman appears in, then you will have no reason to see this movie as there is no Batman, Gotham City, or anything else from the comic books that have made it into this series.
In this new version of Catwoman, the woman who was called Selina Kyle in the comics is now named Patience Philips. Patience (unlike Selina) is also not a white woman, but is instead an African-American. Another thing you should know about this movie is that the costume is absolutely ridiculous, and once you see it you’ll realize just how much Warner Bros. actually hates superhero movies. The story, which I am really too embarrassed to discuss in full detail here, is just as embarrassing to stomach as the costume is. Let’s just say that the in this version of Catwoman, Patience gets her powers by being killed and then being revived by some Egyptian cat named Midnight. When she becomes Catwoman she finds that she can play basketball, land on her feet, and she loves tuna (just for the record I do not). In the comics, Selina became Catwoman by making her own weapons and training herself to be a better runner, fighter, and climber. In the comic Catwoman is a villain of the Batman universe (and is the only villain brave enough to seduce the Dark Knight).
In the movie Catwoman is a good guy -excuse me- good girl, and Batman is nowhere to be found. In “Spider-Man 2” the villain is a mad scientist who is driven mad by his own failures, and plans to destroy the world for the cause of science. In “Catwoman” the villain is a cosmetics company owner. In almost every other superhero movie that has been made the CGI blends with the live action characters almost perfectly. In “Catwoman” the CGI looks like it was ripped straight out of the XBox game. In “Monster’s Ball” Halle Berry gave a strong and powerful performance that pulled on your emotions and forced you to shed a tear every now and then. In “Catwoman” Halle Berry acts like a total amateur, and gives a performance that forces you to roll your eye’s in complete 180 degree turns…a lot. The story franchise description is terrible and makes little sense, the characters sex objects seem to just walk around doing nothing but stupid stuff, and the acting script reading was about as bad as you can get.
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You feel sorry for the actors who are in this movie, as you know that all of them are ten times better then what this movie garbage gives them to deal with. “Catwoman,” like “Batman & Robin,” is an attack on people who love movies and their money. Warner Bros. is not selling a movie here, they are selling a sex kitten, and if we are not careful then this movie will try and kill the superhero genre once again. We can’t let that happen. I urge this plea to the nation: Do NOT see this movie! There is a much better superhero movie that is currently playing in theaters right now that is worth your time. It is called “Spider-Man 2,” and unlike “Catwoman” this movie is a love letter to people who love superhero movies. Currently both movies are playing in more then 3,000 movie theaters across the nation. Make sure you choose “Spider-Man 2” over “Catwoman.” Both movies are also poised to be released in the IMAX theaters. When the time comes to see these at the IMAX, make sure the movie you pick to see is “Spider-Man 2.” There is a scene in “Catwoman” that describes the level of “fun” this movie has perfectly.
In this scene a man and a woman are both watching a dance production that looks less then thrilling. After several minutes the woman states quite flatly “this is boring” and leaves the room. If movie tickets weren’t priced so high these days I would have followed suit. “Catwoman” is a true mess above the rest. It is, in fact, WORSE then “Batman & Robin” EVER was, and you should avoid seeing it at all costs! This is easily the worst superhero movie ever made, and just like the afore mentioned “Batman & Robin,” it appears to exist for no reason other then to kill the superhero genre and make money doing it. Make sure this doesn’t happen and go see “Spider-Man 2” instead.
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